Secure Connections

How Can I Be Secure in a Relationship?

A young person recently asked me this, and the question struck a chord. Haven’t we all been there?

Will I be accepted as I am?

Is my personality pleasant enough for you?

Am I saying the right things?

Are my thoughts and opinions interesting enough?

What mistake will make you walk away?

These questions echoed in my mind as I listened—not just to her words, but to what she must be feeling. When I gently asked what her fear might be, her answer was simple and heavy: “That I’ll be abandoned again.”

With the limited time I had, I offered her this perspective:

Instead of waiting to receive in a relationship, choose to give. Be the one who sets the tone. Envision the outcome you want—how the conversation might go, how the connection might grow—and take steps toward it. That is strength. That is living by choice. That is security rooted in self-awareness.

Waiting for attention, for validation, for someone to make you feel seen—it's a passive posture. It gives others power over your self-worth and can even open the door to manipulation or abuse.

So, simply put: know who you are, and know what you want.

That is your security.