Fiery Festivity

The lunar new year has just passed. During the celebrations, there was the usual excitement of my childhood anticipation for the gatherings, meeting cousins, playmates, lots of nice food and memories made around the “fellowship" table… It’s my annual Hakka lesson and building of vocab over 2 weeks of intense meeting up for very intentional purposes.

Here too, the childhood memories of how I remember it is celebrated in my family is the best way one can celebrate. Years have passed and the adult me can still be caught in the memories of how the celebration is supposed to be. Now my environment has changed. I’m married. To another person who celebrates the lunar new year with his family in their own unique way. The way we celebrate is similar enough that we don’t get too much tension in organising ourselves and meeting family expectations that are spoken or unspoken.

Culture, ‌rituals, ‌dynamics of relationships, the expectation of ‌respect, whether it is to the ‌elders or because of their seniority. Advice vs wisdom. They come generously during this time. Trigger trigger trigger… the little girl/boy in us get caught in those comments and challenging conversations. Somehow, they see us as the 5yr old. Always. And guess what?! We take that identity on very quickly too. Very quickly we can forget that we are adults today. Adults who have our own principles and beliefs, able to hold an opinion and stand for the self.

As the season has passed, we may have learned some good lessons to prepare ourselves for the next meet up. Here are some of my reflections, especially on boundaries, after going through it and after listening to friends and clients on their own experiences of the occasion.

1. Have a plan - Plan ahead. Who you will talk to, what you will do, how long you will be visiting.

2. Manage yourself - Be mindful of your emotional limits, energy levels, and stress tolerance.

3. Create your own traditions - You are the adult today, with the knowledge of how best to celebrate with the people around you. Let not traditions limit you or condition you to explore what may work best and will be enjoyable for the festivity.

Did you enjoy the festivities and want to celebrate your journey? Let's connect.

Feeling weighed down by the season's challenges? Let's connect too.

Bea Chong